Building self confidence -
and a better life

Part 2 of 5. Confidence with peers

Confidence skills can be learned and building self confidence is something you can achieve.

Remember from the first part of this article, with a higher level of self confidence, you can experience greater fulfillment in personal relationships, higher levels of success at work and have an overall better feeling about yourself and your life in general.

In this second part of the building self confidence series, we're taking a look at confidence with our peers. That is, how we act when people we consider to be equals in a social setting.

In this series we are looking at five elements that contribute to your level of confidence and they are:

how we act in social situations
how we act with our peers
how we treat others of different status than ourselves
how we respond to performing in front of others
how we think of ourselves

How we think and behave in these five areas will have a big impact on our level of self confidence.

Confidence with our peers

Being confident among our peers helps us to maintain our integrity and credibility and to avoid following the crowd, that is, unless the crowd is going in the right direction.

self improvement advice What friends and family think of us can have a significant impact, positive or negative, on our lives. By developing peer confidence, it is possible to hear what others think of us and yet still maintain our beliefs and act on them regardless of what the "crowd" is doing.

With a healthy level of peer confidence we can enjoy the life adventures available to everyone but taken by so few. Peer confidence helps to free us of the social pressure to "fit in".

For leaders who exhibit high levels of peer confidence it can occasionally be a lonely journey. They tend to say what needs to be said, even if it is unpopular, and can end up alienated from the crowd. If it wasn't for peer confident people however, our world would not be a great place that it is.

Building Peer Confidence Skills

We all have some degree of confidence among our peers. The more of it that we have, the greater our ability to make choices for ourselves, choices that we know are for the best.

Peer confidence could be called "personal freedom". Do not confuse that with the freedom to do "anything", for some things are not appropriate. Rather, it is the freedom to truly be who we are and to make choices in life that reflect our values and beliefs.

As previously stated, there is no magic solution to building self confidence, but there are some things that can be done on a self-help level. Practice these things and you will begin to develop better confidence among your peers.

1. Be true to yourself. When you know something is right or wrong, state your thoughts. Do not fear a backlash for speaking up about your beliefs. They are your beliefs after all - see the dot point below.

2. Your credibility is based on your consistent behavior. You cannot make a stand against some issue one day and then back down the next just because it is a friend, family member or work colleague involved. Have the courage to know what you believe in and then to make a consistent stand for those beliefs.

3. Think for yourself. Your thoughts, desires and dreams are valid. They belong to you. Express what you think and share your dreams, but do it appropriately. Be ready to hear the thoughts of others but do not let yourself conform to their dreams unless it happens to be the same things you desire. This is not a "be selfish" message rather "be you".

Do not let anyone convince you that you are insignificant. We each have a part to play in this world and that applies equally to YOU. When you are true to yourself you will be building self confidence in not only yourself but in those around you whose lives you influence. They will see you as a role model. When they ask what is different in your life, tell them. Share with them your self improvement journey.

4. Take charge of situations. An old proverb says that with many advisors plans are sure to succeed. It never hurts to seek the opinion of others but that's all it is, their opinion. By all means, allow others thoughts to help refine your ideas, dreams and desires, but do not others live your life for you. Think for yourself. Especially when making decisions.

Thinking for yourself is a quality seen in good leaders. They will seek the opinions of others and look at alternatives to help make the best choice. In the end they will make the best decision they can, based on their own thoughts.

Listen to what you think and how you talk to yourself. Validate your thoughts and act on them. You will make mistakes. You will make wrong choices but that is all part of learning.

5. Be reasonable. It is always possible that you are wrong. Whether an important point has not been considered or circumstances have changed since you made a decision, always be prepared to hear objections, suggestions and correction.

Many a bad decision has been avoided because an opposing view was allowed to be expressed which revealed a critical flaw in reasoning. Never grow so sure of yourself that you completely ignore the views of those around you. That is not healthy.

Be open to all viewpoints but maintain a steady and firm path toward the correct decision or action that lines up with your values and beliefs.

6. Maintain your integrity. If nothing else, hold on to your integrity. It is so easily lost and so difficult to restore.