Building self confidence - and a better life

Part 3 of 5. Confidence with others

Confidence skills can be learned and building self confidence is something you can achieve.

In this third part of the building self confidence series, we look at confidence with others.

That is, how we think of ourselves and act when we're with people we consider to be of a different - higher or lower - status than us. This is most challenging when we're with people such as a boss or being interviewed for a job.

In this article we are studying five elements of self confidence that are commonly encountered in life. Knowing a little bit more about each one and how we act given the circumstances helps us to develop more confidence with each encounter. The five elements are:

how we act in social situations
how we act with our peers
how we treat others of different status than ourselves
how we respond to performing in front of others
how we think of ourselves

How we think and behave in these five areas will have a big impact on our level of self confidence.

Confidence with others

self improvement advice Being confident regardless of our social status and the status of those around us is the ability to treat others as equals. It also works in the reverse, we are equally valid in the presence of others whose social status, according to our society, is higher than ours.

With a healthy level of status confidence we can truly be ourselves and live up to our full potential. Status confidence gives us the ability to easily move between the roles of leader, follower and team member as required. A status confident person will always "have a go" regardless of current perceived status.

Building Confidence with Others

If you have been reading these parts in order you will not only know that there is no magic solution to building self confidence, but will begin to feel empowered to do something at a self-help level. Practice these things and you will begin to develop better confidence among others - any others - regardless of their perceived status.

1. Behave as if you are a king or queen. Expect people to treat you with respect and dignity. When this doesn't happen, politely request that they do, even your boss. Be realistic and do whatever your job or responsibilities require of you, but do it with a royal flair. Treat others as you would have them treat you. If you want to be treated as a king or queen, treat others the same way.

2. Put aside fears. Fear is often the biggest barrier to becoming more confident with people of different status levels. Do not fear what another person can do to you. In most cases, they are probably more fearful of what you can do to them but they cover it up with bluff and bluster. All the same, avoid being arrogant. Think of the worst thing a person can do to you, aside from killing you. Think hard about it. What ever it is, it will usually not mean the end of the world.

3. Hold your head high. People perceived to belong to a lower social group can tend to defer to others in seemingly higher groups. It can be triggered by something as simple as the clothes we wear. Begin to re-program your brain to accept that clothes, pay packet, vehicles and office floor levels do not make a person successful. Success begins from within and you have already begun to improve your level of success. You know that you will improve yourself so hold your head high now and claim that improvement.

4. Dress for success AND comfort. It is okay to follow a dress code. Remember that you are still living in the real world and not everyone will be on an active self improvement journey. You will need to maintain the usual appearances in order to successfully carry out your responsibilities. However, you can choose to dress for success and comfort. Choose clothes that suit your personality and convey your beliefs and values.

5. Celebrate small victories. Becoming more status confident will take time. Be prepared to put in some effort every day and you will see success. Celebrate your victories with humility. This is not war. You are not trying to dominate those who may have been dominating you - read the top tip on this page again (king or queen) if you are unsure of this. While celebrating, encourage others around you to discover their true potential.