Building Self Esteem -
You Can Do It!

For over 50 years, researchers have identified and written about the link between building self esteem and achieving success. Beginning with Solley & Stagner (1956) it is well documented that there is a close positive relationship between our levels of self esteem and success.

By building self esteem we are laying a good foundation on which to build increased success into every area of our lives.

That is not to say that success will only be possible if we have a healthy self esteem. Not at all! People with low self esteem can still be successful. Pure talent will often make up for low self esteem. However, people with a high self esteem will find ways to succeed, because they will develop their skills and talents.

What is Self Esteem?

Self esteem comes from a Greek word meaning “reverence for self”. Here are some factors that contribute to our self esteem. There are overlaps between these factors, but they all contribute in some way to how worthy, lovable and capable we think we are.

• What we believe about ourselves together with we hear others say about us and whether or not we accept their opinions – our worthiness or value as a person.
• The amount of influence we believe we have over our lives and our future – our sense of control.
• A sense of belonging and acceptance among peers and loved ones – our lovability.
• Our sense of competence, that is, how good we believe we are at doing everyday tasks – our capability.

An easy-to-read definition comes from The National Association for Self-Esteem - "The experience of being capable of meeting life's challenges and being worthy of happiness."

What is Success?

There are many definitions but put simply, success is related to satisfying our inner desires and meeting expectations. The expectations are a mixture of what we set ourselves and those set by our boss, family and friends in our work and social lives.

Steps to Building Self Esteem

1. Stop comparing yourself with others. There will always be other people who have more than you. Some will have less. Instead, decide on some key expectations for yourself and measure up against them, not against other people.
2. List and celebrate your positive qualities. Do you help others? Always tell the truth? Are you creative? Generous? Write these qualities on a list and put it where you will see it daily. Keep the list up to date. Do not focus on those qualities that are less than ideal. Instead, apply the next tip.
3. Read self esteem books, listen to self improvement audio programs and attend workshops in your area. What you spend quality time doing will start to positively affect your attitude and behavior. Reading about, listening to and participating in self improvement activities will greatly improve your chances of achieving your goals. Set aside some special time each week to learn more about this important topic. You might also like to read about goal setting tips.
4. One of the biggest barriers to building self esteem is constant negative thoughts about yourself and your abilities. Speak positive and uplifting words to yourself. Do it when you are alone, speak them out loud. When others might hear, it is quite alright to speak to yourself in your mind. You may want to check out the Inspirational Quotes page for some great starters.
5. To help with the above tip, write on a small card some of the words that mean the most to you and carry it with you. Every time you pull out your purse or wallet, make sure the card is in the way so that you are reminded of the positives.
6. If you are still finding it difficult to think of positive things, list your achievements. Completing school, having children, learning to ski, getting that job, fixing a tap. It does not have to be a massive task nor something that makes it onto the evening news, just a personal achievement. Write them down as repeat steps 4 and 5.
7. Let your home be your castle. If you cannot change things the way you would like, set aside a small area in your home where you can retreat and quietly work on these action steps. If this is just not possible, find a place outside that will do. Visit this place as often as you can and need to, but do try to spend at least 10 minutes a day there.
8. Hang around with positive people. If you hang around with people who are often talking about negative things or complaining, it will drain your energy. Positive people will understand your self improvement journey and be more likely to encourage you.
9. Sign up to a personal coaching program. I will soon be launching one from this site where you will be able to communicate with me directly via email and/or instant messenger. Personal coaches can often help you get past a barrier much faster than if you are doing it on your own.
10. Email a link to this page to a friend. Helping others to improve their life is one sure way to help ourselves. Knowing that we have played a part in improving another person’s life means a great deal to us and it can contribute towards building self esteem.

Do something every day that results in building self esteem.

Reference:
Solley, C.M. and Stagner, R. 1956. Effect of Magnitude of Temporal Barriers, Types of Perception of Self. Journal of Experimental Psychology, 51, 62-70.

Related articles and resources:
Building Self Confidence
Self Help Books (my recommendations)