Listening skills are critically important to communication

During each day most of us will spend a lot of our time talking and listening. It can be quite common for us to be engaged in a conversation where everyone is competing to share their ideas and to be heard. Most conversations will progress through a number of stages.

1. Active listening.
2. Interactive questioning and engaging in the conversation.
3. Diagnosing the problem and offering advice.

It is quite natural for most conversations to move between these three stages. In some situations however, stages 1 and 2 are ignored or quickly passed over to get to stage 3. Many of us really do like to express our opinions and offer advice, whether or not it has been requested. Improving our listening skills will not only help us but enable us to help others.

Listening and hearing
In conversation, listening and hearing are related but also very different. Hearing is the physical act of words being detected by your ears. Listening is making sense of those words and understanding their meaning.

Listening is a skill that can be improved with practice and there are many rewards for developing your ability to listen.

What are the benefits of being a good listener?
Good listening skills will improve your ability to develop relationships and make you more productive in practically anything you do. The ability to listen and clearly understand will allow you to:

1. Develop relationships to a deeper level.
2. Understand what is expected of you - at work, home and with friends.
3. Be a better team player.
4. Be an effective problem solver.
5. Better support people who need your help.

Listening is an active process involving three parts.

1. Hearing. This is the physical aspect of your body receiving and interpreting sounds. You may hear these words as part of a conversation "... so I recommend selling ..." and yet have no idea what it is you are meant to sell. Hearing is critical to listening, but it is only the first part.
2. Understanding. This is where your brain processes the words that you hear and dervices meaning from them in the context of the entire conversation. Not only do you develop understanding of what you are hearing, information is communicated to you at this stage. In the above example, you may now be aware that the person is talking about the future profitability of an investment choice and that she thinks that it is in your best interests to sell now.
3. Response. Once you understand what you are hearing, the last part is responding. Responding in a conversation shows that you have heard what was said and that you understand the intent of the speaker. Responding may involve making a decision to act on the information you have understood and perhaps replying with your opinion or comments. Continuing with the example, you may now be in a position to agree with the other person and act on the advice to sell. You may disagree and enter into further conversation to dig deeper into the reasons why she is recommending selling.

What are the keys to being a good listener?
Listening is an activity that requires practice and concentration. Build up your listening skills be practicing each of these components to listening.

1. Maintain eye contact and show you are interested in the conversation. Looking out the window or playing with your hair can give the impression that your mind is drifting away. Sit or stand reasonably still as fidgeting is often taken as a sign of boredom.
2. Actually listen. Don't start thinking about your answer or response to what you are hearing. Listen with the intention of understanding.
3. Show your understanding of the speakers feelings with appropriate physical gestures, for example, smile and laugh at funny things, nod your head when you agree.
4. Don't interrupt the speaker, unless there is a piece of space junk coming at her. Let the speaker finish with what they have to say. This does not always work as some speakers seem to lose all sense of time when they are talking about matters close to their heart.
5. Use your body language to encourage the speaker, for example, lean toward the speaker to show her that you want to hear more.
6. take note of body language and facial gestures as what is not being said is often just as important as what is being said.
7. Concentrate. Keep your mind focused on what is being said. If time is passing along and you are getting tired from lack of movement, shift your position but keep tip #5 in mind when you do.
8. Respond by asking questions about the topic being discussed or by adding something to the discussion - if you have a few more minutes, read about advanced listening skills.

See the next page for some more tips on how listening skills can be improved.

Visit the listening skills resources page for products to enhance your listening skills.